


kpop group chats

by orphan_account



Category: ATEEZ (Band), BLACKPINK (Band), Day6 (Band), GOT7, Stray Kids (Band), TWICE (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: (chan voice) it's a mess!, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Gen, Humor, Multi, Stupidity, Texting, chapters have nothing to do with each other, group chats, text fic, this is not serious at all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21562162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: this is a bunch of kpop group chats cause i hear a lot of stupidity on a daily basis and have to express it in some waymight be funny, but might also be pure crack. who knows?(probably won't do crossovers, every chapter is just one group (at least for now))
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Everyone, Im Jaebum | JB/Everyone, Jackson Wang/Everyone, Jeon Jungkook/Everyone, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Everyone, Kim Namjoon | RM/Everyone, Kim Seokjin | Jin/Everyone, Kim Taehyung | V/Everyone, Kim Yugyeom/Everyone, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Everyone, Mark Tuan/Everyone, Min Yoongi | Suga/Everyone, Park Jimin (BTS)/Everyone, Park Jinyoung (GOT7)/Everyone
Comments: 1
Kudos: 49





	1. BTS - old people are so savage

Taehyung: ahhaha old people are so savage  
Taehyung: and violent  
Taehyung: i love it

Jin: ...not sure where you got these impressions

Namjoon: this is weird

Hobi: wait is that why yoongi hyung is so savage  
Hobi: because he's old?

Yoongi: Hoseok.

Hobi: yes babe?

Yoongi: you have three seconds to run.

Hobi: oH SHIT

Jungkook: rip in peace

Jimin: but why were you talking about old people?

Taehyung: i was volunteering at the retirement home and there’s this one lady who keeps threatening everyone there  
Taehyung: today she said she was gonna drive over one of the nurse’s feet with her walker  
Taehyung: she also said she was gonna beat someone up

Jin: so…?

Taehyung: idk i just wanted to share

Jimin: ok

Namjoon: hey could someone check if hoseok is still alive?

Jungkook: no offense but who cares  
Jungkook: he’ll just resurrect himself to yell at us the next time someone messes up the choreography anyway

Jin: true

Namjoon: i mean… you’re not wrong

Jungkook: i know

Hobi: HEY GUYS IM STILL ALIVE :D  
Hobi: Guys?  
Hobi: hello?  
Hobi: ok i guess we’ll just pretend like my life wasn't in danger just a minute ago

Jimin: it literally wasn’t

Hobi: :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey before you ask, all the groups in the tags will be in this, i just tagged them now bc i know myself and i know i'll forget to add them if i wait. i already have parts with them in my drafts, that's why they're tagged :)  
> here are the upcoming ones:  
> part 5, stray kids  
> part 6, day6


	2. TWICE - viral eagle dance girl returns!

Dahyun: how embarrassed would u guys be if i did the eagle dance in public?

Nayeon: depends  
Nayeon: how public are we talking?

Dahyun: mcdonalds at dinner time on a saturday

Jihyo: in that case I would personally ask JYP to kick you out of the group

Jeongyeon: screw that, I would kick you out of the group myself

Chaeyoung: just for the eagle dance?  
Chaeyoung: that’s harsh

Momo: i would join her

Tzuyu: of course u would

Sana: i would film it

Jeongyeon: …how did I end up here

Dahyun: don’t worry about it unnie!  
Dahyun: i promise i won’t do the eagle dance at mcdonalds

Jihyo: I hate how you specified that you won’t do it at mcdonalds  
Jihyo: as in that you still might do it at another place

Mina: wait, isn’t dahyun at starbucks right now?

Dahyun: no comment

Mina: and aren’t momo & sana there with her?

Jihyo: …

Nayeon: …

Jeongyeon: …

Momo: no comment

Sana: no comment

Dahyun: thanks to mina for popping in and exposing me but i gotta go now!

Tzuyu: guess we’ll just have to wait for all the articles about her  
Tzuyu: “famous kpop idol embarrasses herself in public”  
Tzuyu: “viral eagle dance girl returns!”  
Tzuyu: i bet she’ll trend on twitter too

Chaeyoung: is it bad that i’m kinda looking forward to it?

Nayeon: i mean, despite my complaints, i lowkey agree

Mina: me too

Dahyun: thanks guys! i knew you loved me!  
Dahyun: see you in the instagram comment section when sana inevitably posts an eagle dance video from starbucks!

Jeongyeon: dahYUN NO…!


	3. GOT7 - kindergarten logic

Jackson: so i've noticed that there's some tension in the group, and i'm taking it upon myself to resolve it

Youngjae: oh no i hope it's not kindergarten logic again

Jackson: we're gonna play secret friends for the next week!  
Jackson: i'll send everyone the name of another person in the group, and then you have to be extra nice to that person for the next week!

Youngjae: oh no

Jinyoung: ...it's kindergarten logic again

Jackson: what the fuck, it's not kindergarten logic

Mark: it kind of is

Jackson: okay whatever  
Jackson: just play along please

Jinyoung: if you're sending the names, does that mean you're also sending your own name?

Jackson: hell no, i'm not participating in this  
Jackson: this stuff is for kindergartners

Jaebum: i give up

Jinyoung: me too

Bambam: hyung, i’ll play along

Yugyeom: yeah same actually

Mark: not to be rude but why would you do that?  
Mark: it’s not like it’s the first time jackson uses kindergartner logic, and we all know how that usually ends

Yugyeom: yeah but we live for the chaos he causes!

Bambam: his ideas almost always make the top 3 disasters of the week  
Bambam: of course we have to do it!

Youngjae: jackson hyung i’ll join in too

Jinyoung: …i won’t even bother asking why

Jackson: thank you guys, but it doesn’t really work with only three people

Mark: i never said i wouldn’t do it

Jackson: omg THANK YOU SM HYUNG <3

Mark: yea whatever

Jaebum: on second thought, i’ll do it too

Jinyoung: seriously?

Jaebum: yeah it could be funny

Jackson: pleaaaase jinyoungie! it doesn’t work with odd numbers!

Jinyoung: but there’s six of you

Jackson: well i’m not doing it  
Jackson: so you have to!!!

Jinyoung: you can’t make me

Yugyeom: wait why doesn’t it work with odd numbers?

Bambam: idk

Yugyeom: i mean it’s not like two people get each other’s name, everyone’s supposed to change in like a circle  
Yugyeom: odd numbers don’t make a difference

Bambam: i don’t think hyung cares

Jackson: jinyoungieeeeeee

Jinyoung: no.

Jackson: pleaaaaase

Jinyoung: No.

Jackson: i’ll buy you food tomorrow?

Jinyoung: okay sure i’m in

Jackson: …

Youngjae: AHAHAHAHHA

Jackson: really? just like that?

Jinyoung: no, not just like that, you offered to buy me food  
Jinyoung: if you don’t i’ll steal your wallet and use it to buy food anyway

Jaebum: good job jackson, you convinced him!

Mark: you can send the names now

Jackson: …  
Jackson: sigh  
Jackson: yeah i guess


	4. ATEEZ - don't swear

Mingi: Fuck

Seonghwa: don't swear

Mingi: i didn't swear!  
Mingi: i mean, i thought about not doing it

San: but then u did it anyway

Mingi: and so you can't say i did it!

Hongjoong: you typed it out and sent it  
Hongjoong: that counts as swearing

Mingi: then why do people always say it's the thought that counts on birthdays and not in literally every other scenario?

Yunho: idk man

Yeosang: this is dumb  
Yeosang: i agree with you, it makes no sense

Mingi: …you literally just said it’s dumb

Yeosang: yeah i genuinely think that

Mingi: …ok?

Yeosang: but it’s also weird how people only say it’s the thought that counts when the thought is about them

Wooyoung: sounds more like “as long as you’re thinking about me, it’s the thought that counts”  
Wooyoung: but if you’re thinking about literally anything else then you might as well not

Yunho: that’s because people are selfish and self-centric  
Yunho: they don’t want others to think about anything other than them

Hongjoong: ok guys good talk but this is making no sense anymore

Seonghwa: you say “anymore”, as if it ever made any sense

Hongjoong: you’re right, it never did

Jongho: yes please stop

San: oh wow jongho, i thought you had forgotten that this chat existed, considering you never send anything in it

Jongho: i WISH i had forgotten it

Wooyoung: okay wOw, thanks for that maknae

Seonghwa: …remind me again why i signed up for this bs

Hongjoong: i honestly couldn’t tell you

Seonghwa: hm

Jongho: i know you’re saying “hm” as in the sound “hm”  
Jongho: but hm could be short for hit me

Hongjoong: sigh

Yunho: hang on i think jongho's onto something!

Seonghwa: is he onto your sanity? please let it be your sanity

Wooyoung: bold of you to believe or sanity could ever be found

Yeosang: not even dora could find it

Hongjoong: okay i’m done  
Hongjoong: bye

Seonghwa: hm

Jongho: are you saying hmm or hit me?

Seonghwa: free interpretation

Yeosang: i relate

Jongho: same  
Jongho: hm

Yeosang: hm

Mingi: maybe hm could be our always

Seonghwa: okay that’s it i have to draw the line somewhere  
Seonghwa: and i won’t stand for this clownery any longer

Wooyoung: then try sitting down

Seonghwa: …  
Seonghwa: i can’t do it over text but please imagine the deepest, most disappointed sigh ever

Yunho: oh sHIT  
Yunho: i think i just got scared by my own imagination

Wooyoung: same here omg

Seonghwa: …sigh


	5. STRAY KIDS - you’re all cLOWNS

Chan: did you know that felix has a folder on his phone called “reaction memes”?  
Chan: it’s literally just screenshots of different memes

Hyunjin: i mean…

Minho: did i know that? no.  
Minho: but am i surprised?  
Minho: also no

Jisung: bold of you to assume felix is the only one who has it

Changbin: oh what a shocking turn of events, jisung also has a folder with reaction memes  
Changbin: honestly i bet hyunjin has it too

Hyunjin: i feel attacked

Jeongin: but do you have it hyung?

Hyunjin: …perhaps

Jisung: yeah he does

Minho: thank you for the honest answer jisung

Hyunjin: hey!

Jisung: hello!

Seungmin: this is why i have this chat muted

Chan: this is why this chat is called the stray kids circus  
Chan: cause you’re all cLOWNS

Minho: you’re here too

Felix: shit he’s right

Chan: …

Changbin: chan hyung isn’t just a clown, he’s the fucking ringmaster

Hyunjin: what the hell is a ringmaster

Chan: ok why is everyone cursing we don’t need to get this shit rated  
Chan: wait shit  
Chan: oh crap i did it again  
Chan: ..i’ll just stop now

Seungmin: a ringmaster is the person who directs a circus performance  
Seungmin: just like chan hyung does when he directs us as our leader

Hyunjin: ah okay makes sense

Chan: not really but ok

Minho: chan nobody asked you

Chan: you’re literally talking about me?

Minho: exactly  
Minho: we’re trying to talk ABOUT you, not WITH you

Jisung: woah

Felix: he savage  
Felix: wait why am i surprised by that

Changbin: idk

Chan: i just came here to tell you about felix’s meme folder and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

Jeongin: no offense but it might have something to do with the fact that they’re attacking you right now

Chan: wow i didn’t notice

Minho: no need to be sarcastic

Changbin: says you

Minho: yeah and what about it?

Chan: you know what, don’t respond to that  
Chan: just… forget this ever happened

Seungmin: gladly!

Hyunjin: okay you don’t have to be that excited about it

Chan: kids stay calm

Felix: bold of you to assume that’s possible

Chan: …  
Chan: i have so many regrets right now


	6. DAY6 - wait what's reddit?

Wonpil: i was talking with jinyoung hyung about a book and i was trying to ask if he had read it but he thought i was asking if he has reddit

Dowoon: lol  
Dowoon: wait a second what's reddit

Wonpil: actually... i dunno  
Wonpil: i mean i've heard it before but now i realize i have no idea

Brian: you guys are dumb

Dowoon: yeah we know

Jae: good  
Jae: but also we are not introducing you two to reddit  
Jae: the day you find out what that is is the day i retire

Sungjin: i’m already ready to retire

Wonpil: why haven’t you hyung?

Sungjin: valid question  
Sungjin: i don’t have an answer

Jae: wow ok i thought your emotional attachment could be a pretty good reason for still being with us, but sure

Brian: sungjin hyung regretting joining day6? it’s more likely than you think

Jae: but i mean can we blame him?

Wonpil: uh yes?

Dowoon: yeah we can?

Brian: i’m pretty sure even you two have regretted joining at some point

Dowoon: bet

Jae: literally every time any MC asks you to dance

Wonpil: a point has been made

Brian: thank you for coming to this ted talk

Dowoon: *day6 talk

Jae: dowoon, it’s NOT named after whoever does the talk

Wonpil: bet

Brian: sigh…  
Brian: i don’t think i’ve ever related more to sungjin hung than i do right now

Jae: that’s a mood


	7. STRAY KIDS  - “chan’s suffering”

Felix: organic food is just another word for drugs

Minho: did i ever tell you all about that time i wrote a school essay about how i suspected there were drugs in the cafeteria food?

Seungmin: welp that sounds wild

Hyunjin: hyung did you really?

Minho: i actually did, yeah  
Minho: we were supposed to write investigative essays and were free to pick the topic ourselves

Chan: what did your teacher say about yours?

Minho: honestly, not much

Jeongin: is conspiracy theorist a real profession?  
Jeongin: cause i think minho hyung would excel at it

Minho: wait can i get paid for conspiracy theories??

Chan: no you can’t, conspiracy theorist isn’t a real job

Jeongin: ok boomer

Chan: ??? i’m literally not

Minho: boomer isn’t a generation, it’s a mindset

Hyunjin: amen

Jisung: why do all of our conversations always turn into an episode of “chan’s suffering”?

Hyunjin: i’d watch the shit outta that show

Chan: …should i be offended?

Hyunjin: no i didn’t mean it like that!

Changbin: chan hyung, you should invest in some throwing knives  
Changbin: they could be useful in situations like these

Minho: omg i want throwing knives

Chan: you will under no circumstances even LOOK at a throwing knife minho  
Chan: is that understood?

Minho: yeah i understand it perfectly

Seungmin: he probably doesn’t care though

Minho: but i don’t care

Seungmin: called it

Jisung: any knife can be a throwing knife if you’re skilled enough with throwing shit

Jeongin: they literally can’t though  
Jeongin: throwing knives are different from regular knives both because they look different but also since the centre of gravity makes the knife more well-balanced

Hyunjin: uuh  
Hyunjin: am i the only one who’s concerned rn?

Felix: jeongin why do you know about knives?

Jeongin: because i’m well educated..?

Chan: nice try, but no.

Jeongin: okay fine  
Jeongin: i wanted to know how easy it was to become good at knife throwing so i researched throwing knives  
Jeongin: turns out it takes a looong time to get good at it, and even then it’s not very useful

Minho: we appreciate your honesty

Changbin: it’s still concerning that you wanted to start throwing knives but yeah, what he said

Hyunjin: should we end it at that?

Felix: yeah.


	8. BLACKPINK - the baby shark merch

Jennie: who left a blank piece of paper on my bed?

Lisa: i did!

Jennie: why?

Lisa: it's a painting i did for you!

Jennie: but there's nothing on it

Lisa: yes it is, i painted snow!  
Lisa: it's a gift just for you, unnie!

Jennie: ...thanks, i suppose???

Rose: something smells fishy here

Jisoo: you had fish for lunch

Rose: i guess that's true, but u know that's not what i meant

Jennie: i agree and i wanna know what’s going on  
Jennie: what’s with the blank paper?

Lisa: i already told you! it’s a drawing!

Jennie: sounds like a lie

Rose: tell us or you won’t be getting center next comeback lisa

Lisa: gASP

Jennie: yeah, now tell us

Lisa: jisoo unnie i’m so sorry you have to understand the pressure i’m under

Jennie: ???

Lisa: unnie and i were planning on replacing your entire wardrobes with baby shark merch

Rose: baby shark has merch??

Jennie: not the appropriate reaction  
Jennie: what does the white paper have to do with your plan?

Lisa: a distraction

Jennie: what were you gonna do with the rest of our clothes?

Lisa: hide them

Jennie: why were you doing this?

Lisa: for fun!

Rose: okay but does baby shark have merch or not

Lisa: not technically, i don’t think so?  
Lisa: just baby shark themed clothes, jisoo unnie found them in a super cheap store and bought enough for both of you to wear until you could find your normal clothes again

Jennie: jisoo unnie is being suspiciously quiet

Jisoo: well i’m not the one you’re interrogating rn

Jennie: you sure you’re not replacing our clothes at this moment?

Jisoo: why would i? lisa already told you the plan  
Jisoo: you’d know who did it and that’s no fun

Rose: i wanna wear the baby shark merch

Lisa: you do?  
Lisa: me too! we can match!

Rose: okay!

Jennie: …

Jisoo: seriously?  
Jisoo: well this has been useless  
Jisoo: i guess i’ll just put the baby shark clothes in lisa’s room

Rose: thanks unnie!

Lisa: yeah, thank you unnie!

Jennie: …

Jisoo: ok


End file.
